You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
