11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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