My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This is not my ceiling
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
