well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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