I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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