My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
