I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
