I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
