$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
