I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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