Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
