You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
