every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
