Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
