I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
