so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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