Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
