dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
