I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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