Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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