when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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