69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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