you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
