If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
