she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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