I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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