Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
