I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
