I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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