beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
