Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
