HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
