she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
