nutella sex= disaster
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Your penis caused this!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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