i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize