So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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