i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
