we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
