Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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