I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
ok first of all what the fuck
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
