I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
