those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize