it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
