Screwed.edu
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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