Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
