Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
