Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Come on in and take your pants off
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
