look no pants
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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