I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
