I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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