I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Drunk is not a location!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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