too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
