Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
