Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
