I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
BRING THE BAGELS
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
