She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
