All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
