And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
