Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
