Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
