One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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