it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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