haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
