oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
