On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
