Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
